a tale as old as time.
love is premeditated
first, by history
for years lovers have sat
in the pristineness of the grief following a fight
and imagined.
the heart drags to the feet with a painful force
the mouths curl into cruel words
but limbs and heart are locked in passionate disbelief;
now does his mouth have a distaste for me?
it seems impossible yet he could be
spewing arguments of hate for me too.
trapped by contradictions, lovers quarrel eternally
each convinced by their historically exceptional agony.
imprints of their dissent are now
feathers of fables falling at leisure.
i say pitiful phrases to myself when we fight, and then it befalls me
love is premeditated
by me too.
always slightly hopeful that a voice will respond,
i expect whispers of dejection to be sliced.
but response comes in a weep
so heavy it fills my lungs with emptiness
i can only imagine is borrowed, from tired nights of the past.
a cloud of tears around my ears
dripping through my hair
you drenched me in despondence when you didn’t look at me.
i cannot compute your anger,
because i was quietly screaming:
we are not lost
we have become the nodes within the tree of love
from the moment we kissed.
then i fell to shame:
it is a disgrace we are bejewelled with anchors,
unimaginable without burdens.
damage was a carrier of fate
the day of the gay parade
but i was the mediator, the announcer and orator of the affair
about to begin.
the blame once flickered around my eyes
now it blinks with me.
our love was created like a careless child.
sweet whispers in the dark
quickly became negotiations with the heart.
reduced to the archetype, i am now pressed
worrying of my image
crumpling like cheap paper, sliding off the desk of your mind.
i already sense the corner of the drawer
where you will stash my slip with the broken strap
that no longer smells of me.
my skin is oblivious to certain contacts,
such as flame,
this is why you must know
it is not enough to put out rage with a rag
fires spread discreetly when the body is cold
and you cannot quell it
when you smile tomorrow.
i am as forgetful as skin— a tissue meant to expose,
covered,
shedding,
same as time, lovers’ fabric of choice.
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