contemplation on time

The sun hasn't risen yet when I wake up. It was still the vague darkness that filled the room. It took a while for my eyes to open up and settle. I see this place every morning, the exact same way. Yet, I need these moments every morning to remind myself of the place I'm in, the people I'm with, the person I am supposed to be. Then, when I've made these ideals very clear to myself, I open my eyes perfectly wide and take a deep breath and let everything around me in. Today too, I did this.  I look around. The dawn would break in a few seconds, I concluded. Next to me, breathing heavily with a stirring snore I was so used to, he lay, motionless except for the occasional rise and fall of his belly. I sit upright in bed, hold my hands together and say a silent prayer.  I make coffee for myself and green tea for Hazil. He wouldn't wake up anytime soon because its a Sunday. Slowly, I walk towards the veranda and sit next to the maroon pillar, sipping the coffee, head ...

the beauty of some memories a in its sadness. on cold rainy June mornings, i think of millions of such sad memories. to think of in itself is a painful effort. yet we still think of them memories that are sometimes so faded and yet, pulverize our soul like a stab from a friend. and then; the irrevocable realization that everything gone is irretrievable. a deep, dark void. rains create a melancholy song- song that sings everybody's sad story.

The letters felt heavy in my sweaty palms. I read every one of them and now I wish I hadn't. In some part of my brain, the truth was something I was already aware of. I just wish I knew it earlier when you began to fall so hard, so that I could tell you this might hurt. But the truth is I didn't know then.. With every word, something closes up around me because these letters are real feelings. Someone felt these words and decided to pour them down on paper. Someone I know, got their heart broken.  And like a movie showing a flashback, I saw you and everything there was to see without a rewind button. without end credits or a sad song.  I regret watching you slip away when I know I should have done something. Now, I have these letters to remind me everyday of what I didn't do. I almost feel fearful of it, like I'm holding something dangerous, something that might possibly explode. but I'm right, they are dangerous. That's the reason you gave th...

                                    A lot of people I know are in dilemma.  But what really are we trying to find? What answers do we seek? Once my best friend told me that she could give me the reason why I read so much. I was confused.  She told me that this world depressed me. I needed to escape.  For a moment, I believed she was right. Because yes, I felt this world was letting me down. I needed, more than anything, to escape.   Wherever will I escape where I will not be depressed? The truth I decided was depressing. And no matter how much we tried to understand it, live with it, escape it, we will in the end be disappointed by it. We dont need to escape anything in this life. Life is meant to be lived, not escaped from. Running away will take you away from where you wer...